the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
