meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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