yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
