he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
