I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
