I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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