It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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