i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
