I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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