Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize