All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
