he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
