i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize