The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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