So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
