you would pick up someone in the library
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
