My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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