I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
