dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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