I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
