What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
