My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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