I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
