I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
