Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
