Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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