I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can I color on your dick again?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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