Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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