On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
