honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
