Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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