Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
