hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
this is an emotional support booty call
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
