my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
