i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
