Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's Friday. Sex?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
