i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
