so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
