so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
