dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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