i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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