I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
