please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
