i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was confusing and full of hummus
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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