My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize