girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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