i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
