Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
