He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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