Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
