i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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