Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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