you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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