They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
