I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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