dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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