the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
