Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
