do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize