He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
