Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
