people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
