I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
