Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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