Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
