It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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