fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we made out on top of his cat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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