i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
