Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize